#DON T SUFFER IN SILENCE HOW TO#

Here was the headline in a Sunday paper of Februwhich read. Unconnected to the incidents just stated, but about corporal punishment. The other equally chilling news was that of an eight month old toddler being mercilessly thrashed by its mother. But what galvanized me to action was the article in a Sunday paper about the horrible, merciless, beating with a cane of a nine year old girl by an exorcist with the result that the child had died. What with one thing and another, specially getting the Covid vaccine вЂ“ which I have still not got. Have a story of your own to share? Email us to get in touch and share your advice.I have been putting off the writing of this article for quite some time. Talk in the way that suits you best and if you arenвЂ™t sure about it, give it a go, it might just help!Д®njoyed reading this blog? Leave a comment below to let us know your thoughts. Grief is isolating enough when you can talk to people about it so donвЂ™t stay silent. These groups have given me a space and a time out from pretending IвЂ™m okay. I met amazing people who talked so openly about grief.ДЇinally, I discovered LetвЂ™s Talk About Loss and attended a fabulous meet up group that I can now continue to attend once a month.Д¬ancer and grief are a big part of my life and they previously had no outlet. GrabLife is an activity weekend for young people who have been bereaved. Through this group I saw GrabLife by AtALoss. It created a language I could use to describe how I was feeling. This opened up a supportive world to me of people who had been through something similar. I found an online sibling support group through the Compassionate Friends Charity. Ten years had passed since last searching for support and this time around there was a lot more out there.

I continue to talk to a counsellor and I try to listen to what I need and not what I think I should be doing or feeling. Since his passing, itвЂ™s not been easy at all but I definitely havenвЂ™t suffered in as much silence. He insisted on taking photos, he got me talking to his hospice counsellor, and then the most incredible thing he wrote us letters to open after he passed that I can treasure forever. My brother had clearly noticed the things that would have helped him with MumвЂ™s passing and planned those for us. We made that visit to Ireland one last time, we said our вЂњsorryвЂ™sвЂќ, вЂњI love youвЂ™sвЂќ and вЂњgoodbyesвЂќ. This time we did things a little bit different. Over the next few short years it went from curable, to controllable, to terminal. I remember the phone call from my brother so clearly he had cancer, but he thought it was going to be okay. After eight years or so, I started to believe I had come out the вЂother endвЂ™ but then came part two. I searched for support but there wasnвЂ™t much, or the support didnвЂ™t last very long. The closest person to me had been taken away just as I had started to navigate who I was.ДЄ few years later, I left home for University, where I realised the years of suppressing my grief, had manifested itself into my own anxiety.

#DON T SUFFER IN SILENCE HOW TO#

My family and friends were definitely there for me, but I didnвЂ™t know how to open up. I didnвЂ™t realise the impact that would have in years to come.ДЄll the while my grades started dropping, I felt overwhelmingly responsible for everyone elseвЂ™s wellbeing but also felt so alone. Inside I blamed myself, like most children do at that age when everything revolves around you. All struggling inside, but not really talking doing what we could in order to keep afloat. Suffering in silenceДЇrom then on, we continued as a family of three.

So, what do you do when your loving, but hard working, Mum passes away? You go back to school the next day. Mum was strongly focused on my schooling. I didnвЂ™t know what was acceptable to feel or do. I tried hard not to let Mum know how scared I was, so I put on a brave face.ДЄ few months after re-diagnosis she took a turn for the worst and so began a world of pain, darkness, isolation and grief. Unfortunately, it resurfaced and was terminal. We were grateful when Mum got through it and had the all clear for a few years. My Mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer when I was in primary school. We put on brave faces and got through lifeвЂ™s strugglesвЂ¦ including the biggest heartache of all. Just like most people 10-20 years ago, we never spoke about our feelings. My brother and I were raised by loving Irish parents. At 24 I lost my brother вЂ“ more pain, less silence. This time around, sheвЂ™s found a number of support groups which have helped her to talk about her grief.ДЄt 14 I lost my Mum вЂ“ pain and silence. In this blog, Ann describes her experiences of grief ten years apart and the differences in both her approach and the support available.

Don t suffer in silence